Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA. Flowing through your veins is the richest cotton the manufacturers have to offer, ultimate on the scale. As such, you are a MAKESHIP HOMESTUCK PLUSHIE, a sub-catergory of plushie distinct from the usual merchandise by manufacturing quality and cuteness, an echelon which rules over all other plushies. But ruling, in your view, is not enough. You have an overpowering SWAG COMPLEX, and have made it your sworn duty to STUNT ON THESE FOOLS WITH YOUR DOPE ACCESSORIES.
It goes without saying, dear peasants, that this is easily the most dolled up doll we’ve put out. His cape is vvelvveteen magnificence. His scarf? Billowwin elegance. But for all his triumphs in the realm of fashion, for all his riches, he is severely lacking in friends… so won’t you please take him home and give him someone to show off for? Maybe you could even bring Fef along with him. Because it’s hard, being a plushie and growing up. But maybe, just maybe, that’s something you understand.
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